Woah...

I have so much to say! And I know how bored I get when other people have paragraph after paragraph after paragraph after...you get the idea!
I'm just going to skip to now and add a quick run down to catch up at the end of my post. School is merely one week away and despite my best efforts I have to return to work. I have never felt this kind of heartbreak. Even acknowledging my feelings makes it hard. I've been struggling with the "why me's" for the first time in my life and felt a little resentful of the world that I couldn't have the one thing I desire most in this world! I'm now to the point where I believe this is for my benefit, although I cannot see it now, and if nothing else I can tell my beautiful little girl how much her Mommy loves her.
One thing that's been on my mind lately is balance! I'm sure you other mommies out there can agree with me when I say there's a lot to sit on one's plate! I have so many goals that I just can't find the time for! I know if I put a little effort into it I could create the time, but it slips on past me and I look back wondering where did that hour go and what did I do with it! I really want to devote more time to my spiritual self. I want to loose the baby weight! I want to enjoy exercising. I want to make yummy dinner for my family. I want to read a book or two. I want to watch my favorite tv shows (I have a lot of them). Those are my wants...add on my need to work and sleep and the needs of my little miss and I've run out of time!
What have you found to help you balance out your day. My biggest challenge is sleep...I love it, I crave it! I can't get up earlier than 6! BAH! That may just have to be my sacrifice!
I would really appreciate your advice! Oh and to all my pregnant friends out there, live up your free time while you can! I totally did while I was pregnant and I still miss it like crazy!

Quick update:

• Finished out the school year
• Started Summer School
• I ran the program with my friend Stacey and got to bring the baby every M,T,W and TH from 9-12
• Steve has been working full time since the baby was born
• Watched fireworks almost every weekend in July
• Celebrated my birthday for a whole week!
• Saw Idina Menzel at Deer Valley (amazing!)
  
• Went to a REAL game with some friends
• Went boating, camping, and swimming
• Had training the first and third weeks of August
• Setting up my classroom again
• Working at becoming a Level 2 instead of a Level 1 teacher
• Steve starts school on Wednesday at SLCC this semester (transferring his credits up to his major at the U)

That's a lot of it! I hope to put more effort into great posts like this one more often!
Thanks for your love and support!

Claire Video

Here is an older video but she's so beautiful that I had to share it! Check out her foe-hawk!

Play Time with Mommy

Eating Pizza

Update

Claire just had her 4 month check up, believe it or not! She is just a healthy little stink pot and we are so incredibly thankful! She's in the 40th percentile for weight and height and is getting cuter by the day.

School is almost complete for me and Steven is preparing to return to his schooling in the fall. I'm still praying for a miracle so I can either stay home with Claire, work less, or bring her with me to work. No news yet, but I'm hopeful things will work out.

Our friend Kalli is so talented and was willing to take some family pictures for us last month. Here are some of my favorites!

A few thoughts

I figured it was about time for me to blog.
I went back to work about 4 weeks ago and it went a lot better than I thought it would. I realized that I enjoyed my job and I think I could be willing to stick it out for a little longer.
I've been thinking about a couple of things, because of my job, that I wanted to share.
Last Friday we had a field trip to the planetarium. We watched a video on the planets and it got me thinking about how wonderful this universe is. I really felt the spirit testify that this is no accident. We are the perfect distance from the sun, the only planet in our solar system with life, and everything we need in order to survive right here. My students are also learning about Civil Rights leaders. I read a story about Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. yesterday and it's amazing to me how even my students could feel the spirit testify of the greatness of this man and the truth he taught. The book talks about the way Dr. King taught of love changing people instead of hate and violence. When we talked about his murder my students were all so shocked that he was killed. We discussed people's beliefs and once again I felt the spirit teaching us. I, of course, didn't bring that to my student's attention, but I've reflected on it personally. I feel so grateful for the knowledge of the Holy Ghost and it's whisperings so that I can recognize those moments of truth all around me.
Life is good. I'm trying to teach Claire how to put herself to sleep and it's not much fun but I know it's important. She's doing well and getting bigger everyday! She brings so much joy into our lives. I'll be posting videos.

Pictures and video (up to 7 weeks)

She loves her binky and her Daddy!!

Smitten

It's official! I have the two sweetest Valentines in the world! Would you like to see some pictures of the two I happen to be smitten with? Alright I'll oblige.What a Hunk! (The boy not the bike)

Can you believe she's smiling already!? I love it!!!There is so much love in our house! I can't believe how complete my life has become. Changes are here and coming, yet I've never felt more whole.

Steven, you bring such joy and love into my life. I truly believe you were made for me. You fill in my gaps and make me a better person. Thank you for working hard for our marriage. I have such confidence in our future together, for time and all eternity.
Claire, it's amazing how such a small person has brought so much life and purpose into my world. You are a delight! I don't know what I did to deserve you but I'm thankful everyday for your amazing spirit, beautiful face and unconditional love.

Happy (early) Valentines Day friends and family.

Motherhood

Let's begin with a sad story...I had to take my wedding rings off around week 30 because my feet began to swell to max capacity and I was worried my fingers might swell also. I've been pining to put them back on since I had the baby . I've tried 4 or 5 times with no luck. On Saturday I decided I would lotion up my hands and slip them on, no big deal! THEY GOT STUCK! I got them on with no problem but once they were on my finger started to swell. I have three wedding bands (as seen in the photo above) and I guess they were a little much for my post pregnancy ring finger. I started freaking out and Steve suggested I relax and let my finger adjust. So we went out for a few hours and came home with my finger just as swollen as when we'd left. We tried everything!!! It hurt really bad so we eventually had to go to a local jeweler and get them cut off! I felt so stupid! I just wanted to wear my wedding rings again and because I did they're now desecrated! Sad day! We'll get them repaired in a few weeks time and this will just be a story for the ages, but for now we're kind of upset about it!

I've had a few thoughts about being a Mom recently that I thought I would share. I've been reflecting on what I was prepared for and what I've had to adjust to. I was fully prepared for the recovery. I knew it would be rough and I knew it wouldn't be too much fun. I was not prepared for the panic of wanting to take care of my baby, but instead having to take care of myself! I was fully prepared for the overwhelming love that comes with having your own child. I was not prepared for the overwhelming worry! I've always felt worrying doesn't help a person get anywhere so I've tried to make better use of my time. Now that I'm a mom I'll suddenly have a thought pop into my head that my baby might not be breathing! I worry about her future and everything else under the sun. When she was born I was fully prepared to loose sleep! I was not prepared to have the best baby in the world! She sleeps a solid 6-8 hours every night. I love watching my sweet husband love and adore her. We are absolutely smitten and are loving each minute we have with our baby. Claire is a piece of heaven!

Claire Alise Bonney

Well, here we go! The long post trying to explain the events and feelings surrounding the most incredible day of my life. We went to our doctor's appointment for week 39 on Monday and I was still dialated to 1.5 cm and almost 100% effaced. The doctor scheduled us for our induction date (one week after the due date) and assured us the baby would most likely be here within the week. We left a little skeptical and depressed, knowing Steven was back to school on her due date and wishing we could get time with her before that happened. I refused to be upset or disappointed any longer so I decided to pack my week with plans! A special shout-out to my Mom and my friend Jill for keeping me busy!
Tuesday night I went to bed feeling normal and woke up Wednesday morning around 2:30 a.m. with some heavy contractions. They started off slow but progressively got closer together. I woke Steven up around 3:30 a.m. and we began keeping track of the time apart. Around 5:30 the contractions were 5 minutes apart so we decided to get up and get ready to go to the hospital. We took our time, hoping I'd keep progressing enough that we wouldn't be sent home. We checked into the hospital around 8:00 and was sent to Triage where my AMAZING nurse Traci said I was dialated to a 4+!!! I was so happy!
We got sent to our delivery room and met with the doctor who sent in the anesthesiologist. I got my epidural minutes later and my mom showed up to wait with us. I was about a 7 around 10:00 and the doctor broke my water around 11:30. There was some merconium in the fluid so we were prepared with extra nurses at delivery time. I was given a little bit of pitocin to keep things moving and it made me shakey. We waited around a little longer and began pushing at 2:00. I pushed for about an hour and forty-five minutes then the doctor came in. He watched me push once and decided an episiotomy was a good idea. With my next set of pushes I had brought a baby girl into the world.
She was swept onto my stomach and I got to see her sweet face. I was so overcome with emotion I cried and cried. She was then handed to the nurses and they intibated her trying to get all the fluid she swallowed out of her lungs. They got two viles of yucky fluid from her after trying for a good 30-45 minutes.
I was really pleased with my epidural experience. The doctor was great, and I was still able to maintain some control. I was more numb on my right side than my left so I could tell when I was having a contraction because of a small tugging/pinching on my left side. As I was pushing I could feel the pressure which helped me feel more in control. The only downside was the epidural was wearing off as I was getting stitched up. It was incredibly painful and an experience I honestly wasn't expecting.
Steven was an amazing partner through the whole thing. He was by my side and watched his baby come into the world. She was born at 3: 50 p.m. weighing in at 8 lbs. and measuring 21.25 inches. It was an incredible experience, one I'm not ready to repeat for a while!
I'm so thankful for a healthy baby and a great delivery experience. Thanks for your love and support. Enjoy the pictures of our beautiful baby girl! Since she is so cute we've decided to go private with the blog so send me your emails if you would like to keep reading..